A Little Sacrilege

The other night, I was making breakfast for dinner while on the phone with a friend. I left Jon to turn the bacon and watch the waffle iron while I finished my conversation. Simple tasks. When I came back into the kitchen, I instantly spied 1 piece of bacon laying on the paper towl. When I left the room, there was 6 pieces of bacon in the pan. I turned to accuse Jon and found a five year old boy standing there with his hand in the cookie jar. Instead of chocolate smeared, bacon grease shimmered around the corners of his mouth. He looked as if he himself was surprised at his Bacon feast, almost as if the Bacon attacked him in my absence, prying open his mouth and stuffing themselves down his throat. His look of defeat was arguably cute but given my hunger and length of my day, the boy was not free. I exclaimed my anger and bewilderment at the calculated action of eating 5 out of 6 pieces! How could he not think that I wanted some, that I deserved some? As you can guess the Bacon suddenly wasn't Bacon anymore. It was every little bothersome thing in life. Before eating we said a little prayer over the food which Jon offered. He was blessing all the proper things and I was nodding along, but mostly thinking about how mad I was that he left me one piece of Bacon. Suddenly I heard his voice change to the one that smiles. I peeked my eye open and sure enough,I found his eyes squinting due to the greasy smile spreading.
"And I'm really sorry for eating Kelsey's Bacon..."
Did he really just try to feign remorse in a prayer?
One squinty eye peeled open to see my reaction.
We laughed.
and laughed.
A little sacrilege.
But mostly much needed laughter.

Friends, Family, Fall

The Hot Chocolate sitting on my desk is telling me it's fall. We've been arguing about it all morning. I've been trying to tell it that the sun is still out and I'm still warm. The Hot Chocolate then questions why I'm drinking it then? The Hot Chocolate has a point.

I always feel a little hesitant towards Fall, contrary to what most people feel. You see I tend to see Fall as the sneaky season that mesmerizes with beautiful color and lulls with crunchy leafs. Before you know it you are standing feet deep in that white wet stuff wearing a heavy coat and ugly gloves. You ask yourself how you got yourself into the 6 month winter? The answer is Fall.
It's not that I don't find the season charming. The problem is that I do. Cardigans, Pumpkin Treats, Jackets, Honeycrisp Apples, and Cool Air. What's not to love? I just find it hard to attach myself to a season that stays for such a short time.
Luckily my hesitant heart had some help this year from visiting friends and family. My Fall started with a weekend spent with good friends. Bets and Trav, along with Ande drove down from Rexburg for Conference weekend. (I have only seen Ande once since being married, which is really wrong.) We spent the weekend lounging around, eating yummy food, watching Conference, and playing games. It felt good to be sitting on the couch with Jon on one side of me, head on my shoulder and then Ande on the other side, head on the shoulder. This isn't a metaphor. This is really what happens when I'm with both of them. Makes my heart happy. Bets and Trav are always so much fun to hang out with. I'm so glad that we are married friends! My good friend Ty Sainsbury made a quick visit as well. I hadn't seen him in over 2 years and it was so good to laugh with that kid again. I hated saying goodbye and felt that tiny wish in my heart concerning the state I live in.

Bets and Trav

This tends to happen.

Miss you Court and Ky

But lucky for me, my parents and the Watsons visited the very next weekend. I'm such a family/home girl. I absolutely love being with my family. We enjoyed our time together eating out, talking, shopping, and playing in Provo Canyon.

Uncle Jon lets the kids maul him

Cute

My favorite part of the weekend though was going to the temple together. It was so nice to be in the temple again with my family. Jon had to take a test that night and when he was finished he had about 10 minutes to make it to the temple. We were sitting in the room, waiting for the session to start and not really expecting him to make it. With every footstep we looked behind us with some hope for Jon and then it would be a random stranger. This happened several times. The Temple workers were checking their watches, and giving nods to start. My heart began to sink. The doors began to close and at the last minute, Jon slid his way in. My heart returned to it's proper place and danced a little. It felt so good to watch him walk in. It was just one of those moments that get you and make you feel.
When my parents bid us goodbye, my mom left me a note saying, "Thanks for liking us enough to hang out with us." That's exactly how I was feeling. I'm thankful I have friends and family that like us enough to hang out with us. We so enjoy the time we get to spend time with the people we love.
I'm happy to say that it is Fall. Despite my knowledge of where this season takes us, I suppose I'm along for the ride. It's been wonderful so far!

Sing They Do!

I can't get the song " I know that my Savior loves me" out of my head. Which is weird because I don't even know all the words, because it's one those new primary songs. I didn't even realize there was new primary songs. But there is. Oh but there is.

When Jon and I moved into our Condo we were presented with the choice of attending the Family Ward in that area or the BYU Married Student Ward. I had a distinct feeling that we needed to attend the Family Ward, so we obeyed and attended. Between the indisputable fact that we were invisible to the members in the ward along with the vast difference in the life span between us and most members, "that feeling" was certainly questioned. Those first few weeks, we took turns doubting, dragging, and cursing while the other did the smiles and the shaking of hands. Within a few weeks of this coping arrangement we were asked to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting. We both played the role of dragging that week as we prepared for our talks. However, our experience talking in Sacrament Meeting turned out to be truly wonderful. Suddenly we were seen and suddenly we were heard. We recieved such a warm greeting from all the members which continued past that one week. Our steps suddenly became lighter and our mouths spent more time smiling than murmuring. The following week we were called and extended a calling.
Primary Teachers.
Although we were thrilled to finally be a part of the ward and feel involved, we were intimidated by our new calling. Being the youngest child, my nieces and nephews are my only experience with kids. Jon being a convert to the church, has never participated in Primary and was actually very unfamiliar with the whole program. We both were weary about the responsibility to teach little children. But between laughing at the absurdity of teaching our eight 8 year old kids and the enjoyable moments we've had so far, the intimidation has subsided. My favorite moments with them thus far:

- On our first Sunday we sat in front of the kids and began to introduce ourselves. One girl with her legs crossed and arms matching interrupted our Hello...
" So how long have you been married" she asks.
Me: Umm close to a year, not very-
"So you have already been on your Honeymoon then?"
Me: Yes...
" Where did you go?"
Realizing she wanted short answers.
Me: Mexico.
" New Mexico or just Mexico?"
Me: Just Mexico.
" No one goes to New Mexico, just Mexico."
It felt like a test. And I seemed to have passed it?

- There is a girl that wears those perfect little dresses made up of chiffon and velvet with accenting bows. She has a matching headband in her hair, the longest dark eyelashes, and hardly speaks a word. While sitting next to her during Sharing Time she leans over and whispers" My feet are sweaty...like really sweaty. And these are new shoes!" She was swinging her feet back and forth as she made me her new confidant.

- While practicing for the primary program the boy sitting next to me taps me on the shoulder. I turn to find a freckled hand extended, palm up. Lying in the center is a green jelly bean. I knew the jelly bean had been squished in his fist for a while because there was green coloring splotched all over his palm. The thought of eating a sweaty jelly bean was enough to gag but I knew I couldn't reject his offer. So I took it, smiled, and gulped it down. He then proceeded to tell me it was a Bertie Botts Every Flavor Jelly Bean and I had gotten Booger. Double gag. Good thing I like Harry Potter little boy.

I think my favorite moment though has come from my own Jon.

- After a long Sunday of practicing for the Primary Program, Jon and I stumble into our car. Before starting the car, Jon lays his head back and lets out a long sigh. I ask him if he's ok and he responds with "Yeah I'm fine..I just had no idea that Primary kids sing that much!"

And Sing they do. This calling has been an excellent learning experience for us. I know that we are truly benefiting from being a part of this ward and fulfilling our calling. I'm grateful to serve with Jon and be able to learn and enjoy together (It's been so fun to watch Jon as he goes through Primary for the first time). And I'm actually quite thankful to have a constant stream of Primary Songs playing in my head.

A Pillow of Books

My Senior year of High School I took an Anatomy and Physiology class. I took the class with the thought that it was required for graduation or some nonsense like that when really it was an elective of sorts. I have never nor will ever, have any interest in how the body functions. I'm perfectly content with my body working, who needs the confusing details? My teacher sensed my lack of interest in the material right away and seemed to peg me as a wasted use of a chair. I seemed to share her ability of sense, and pegged her as a waste of my regular effort in teacher approval. Thus developed my daily routine in her class.

I would walk into class after a good Safeway provided lunch and take my seat in the back. We made eye contact, I was marked present. I then proceeded to stack my large Anatomy book on top of my History book, topped with my purse and laid my head down. An hour and a half later I would wake up to the bell, pick up my books, pat my sleep imprinted cheek, and move on to history. My teacher never woke me or addressed my mental absence, we had an unspoken agreement it seemed. Although occasionally she would feel devious and call on me to answer a question. I would get nudged and somehow be able to work up a response fitting enough to rest my head once more on my pillow of books. I was never once embarrassed when awakened, panicked when discovered, or held accountable for my social wrong. After all, I had teenage immunity. I mean really what is expected out of a teenage student? Not much at all. Thus immunity. (I will add I still pulled a B in the class)

Today I discovered I most certainly have lost my teenage immunity.

It was the slowest of work days. All my tasks were completed, nails were bitten, and snacks were eaten. The phone was beautifully quiet and I was alone. Our office door was ajar and the rain was pouring down. I casually put my purse on top of the desk and leaned my elbow on it just a little. Next came my head, just to rest lightly on my hand. And then my head slowly slid down arm and found rest on my purse. My eyelids were opening and closing to the rhythm of the raindrops until...well until they weren't. They were closed. They remained closed.

A half hour later I was nudged by a student and I began to fumble for an answer. I opened my eyes expecting a classroom and testing teacher. Not a student, not a classroom, and most certainly not a teacher. My Boss was staring down at me. And that's when I felt them:

Embarrassment

Panic

Accountablity.

And so I did what was obviously sensible- I smiled up at him, rubbed my sleep imprinted cheek, and wished I was packing up for History.

Jon and Kel Plus Twelve's Summer Premier and Finale

I felt Summer Come.

I felt it come while walking barefoot on hot pavement. I said to jon, "It's summer. We do summer!" He smiled and asked for a definition. I simply explained we are summer people. Summer makes us happy. Winter makes us sad. We don't do Winter. We do summer. He simply agreed with my declaration and said "We do do summer."

I felt summer stay.

I felt it while laying on the grass at night. I felt the cool and the warmth that only summer can place upon a night.

Jon and I did summer. Although it was different and slightly wrong to not be in Moses Lake, Jon and I managed to hold summer in our hands and squeeze tight.

Jon and Kel Plus Twelve Summer Season Clips:

- Finishing our place and feeling it become our home.

- Pretending the Pool at our complex was my pool back home.

- Watching my Brother get married to Mal and having the family all together for the celebration.

- Having a wonderful weekend with my Froommates.

- Spending 4th of July week with Jon's parents: eating yummy food, Canasta, and them buying us everything we looked at!

- Spending hours at The Farmer's Market oohing and awing and lovin the creativity.


- Becoming slightly obsessed with Grilled Corn on the Cob. Butter and Salt completes me.

- Falling in love with Peach Smoothies.

- Spending a night listening to an old favorite, Secondhand Serenade.

- Discovering Sammy's Pie Milkshakes. It's real pie!

- Making it to Washington for a short but very lovely weekend which consisted of Addy's baptism, good conversation, good food, laughter, games, and the Marble Family Reunion.
- Getting swept away into So You Think You Can Dance.

- Finally passing my test and getting a $1.50 raise. I felt like this.

- Both Expanding our domesticity ( I made Apricot Jam and Jon cooked for me!)

- Getting to spend some good time with Brandon and Mal since they are only 20 minutes away! We love it.

- Picking up a new show: Covert Affairs. Has enough suspense and intrigue for Jon and has no sick weird killing stuff for me.

- Lunch Break Dates. Best part of my day.

And then...

I felt summer leave.

I felt it leave when school crept in and kidnapped my husband. Our endless days of nothing and everything are over. The clock's hands have been released and they're ticking and tocking all over our sunshine. However Summer was polite and sentimental, allowing us the proper goodbye. It went something like this...

Stepping onto a boat

Jumping into green

Popping up on the wakeboard

First try. (both rocked it)

It was the perfect goodbye. So Long Sweet Summer.

Hallelujah!

Kind of a big deal.

So Happy.

So Blessed.

Just for Today.

Everyone is clicking their pencils and lugging books and I'm sitting behind a desk. Hands are raising and knowledge is transferring but the phone is ringing. It used to feel nice to have a response to that ever looming question, "What are you doing these days?" It was far better than my 2 month lasting answer of " looking for a job." But now I hear the words "office assistant" drop from my mouth and I lunge out of my body to hide and cover my ears as the words hit the floor. I'm an assistant. I spend my day fulfilling assingnments, favors, and duties for everyone else. Anyone else. My highheeled feet are poised on the floor appearing sturdy as I work. But if you looked at them closely, I'm digging my heel into the carpet and just hoping to make it big enough to fall into.
Today I want to be behind a different kind of desk obeying the orders that only come from Academia. I want to feel brilliant and shiny. I want to stretch. I want to turn pages. I want to breath ink.
I love my life. I know that I'm blessed to have a job. I know that I'm blessed to have a determined and successful husband. I know that I'm blessed to put him through school. I love my life.
But just for today, just for a moment...
I'm digging my heel into the carpet.

I just really want to finish school.