Everyone is clicking their pencils and lugging books and I'm sitting behind a desk. Hands are raising and knowledge is transferring but the phone is ringing. It used to feel nice to have a response to that ever looming question, "What are you doing these days?" It was far better than my 2 month lasting answer of " looking for a job." But now I hear the words "office assistant" drop from my mouth and I lunge out of my body to hide and cover my ears as the words hit the floor. I'm an assistant. I spend my day fulfilling assingnments, favors, and duties for everyone else. Anyone else. My highheeled feet are poised on the floor appearing sturdy as I work. But if you looked at them closely, I'm digging my heel into the carpet and just hoping to make it big enough to fall into.
Today I want to be behind a different kind of desk obeying the orders that only come from Academia. I want to feel brilliant and shiny. I want to stretch. I want to turn pages. I want to breath ink.
I love my life. I know that I'm blessed to have a job. I know that I'm blessed to have a determined and successful husband. I know that I'm blessed to put him through school. I love my life.
But just for today, just for a moment...
I'm digging my heel into the carpet.
I just really want to finish school.
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School misses you too Kel.
ReplyDeleteReading this is helping me remember that I don't hate sitting in a classroom. It's helping me remember that as I'm typing this from the library that this is a good time in my life. And it's a good time in yours too. Enjoy it. But you keep missing school.
I had one sememster left of school when I married Kyle, but we filled out our grant papers wrong and I had to go to work so Kyle could go to school. I had to finish getting my last few credits online. Man, it hurt my heart. That first day, driving to work as I saw everyone else walking up to campus, I wanted to cry! I hadn't realized that last semester on campus that it was actually going to be my last sememster on campus. It was hard. You can keep missing school. I still do (sometimes). :)
ReplyDeleteI can make up a school for you. I can come over and boss you around and give you assignments. You can call me Miss Nelson. It could be fun. And just for the record, I think it's cool that you work in an office--check machine and all. For reals.
ReplyDeletewe could switch jobs!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the understanding guys! It helps to know that it's ok to miss school and want to be back.
ReplyDeleteMichelle-laughed so hard at your comment. Please do.
Kelsey, I STILL miss school some days. For years and years I used to look forward to the college catalogue (much like looking forward to the JCPenny catologue)coming in the mail and marked the classes I would take if I could.
ReplyDeleteI miss seeing you around.