Three Winks

I winked three winks today. One with my left eye and two with my right.

My right one is afterall, better.

A few weeks before my Grandpa died I went with my mom to clean his house and visit. I sat in the stool next to him eating our sandwhiches and lightly swinging my feet. He turned to me and asked about the boy I was dating (Jon). I began to share bits of him with my Grandpa while he nodded and chewed. When I finished, he responded with a bark of a question.

"Do you love him?"

I smiled and responded with a bark of my own " Yes I do!"

"Is that right?"

I shyly nodded. I didn't know at that moment of seemingly casual conversation and swinging legs what his approaching words would mean to me. I watched as his wrinkles shifted from soft to stern. His hand curled into a fist and discharged his large pointer finger. And his eyes filled with experience reflecting tears.

"Well I have to tell you something about love. Love. is. not. Debateable. You either love someone or you don't, there is no question, there is no middle."

They were spoken so aloud but felt so quietly.

My Grandpa died a few weeks later, just a few days after I told him I was engaged. In response, I received a shout into the phone of "oh I knew it!"

He did know it. Just as he knew how much my heart needed his words. I put them up in my room that summer, next to his picture. I often found my eyes seeking solace when love seemed to fall in the middle and became easy to tug each way. I always found solace. And love was always placed back in it's proper spot. Even now, when it all gets too heavy and daunting, my Grandpa's wagging finger and overflow of love and wisdom come to lift and fill.

Love. is. not. Debateable.

I winked three winks today. One with my left eye and two with my right.

The action felt familiar but rusted.

I winked to say I miss you.

I winked to say I love you.

And I winked to say Thank You.

I'm sure he winked back.

He was afterall, an excellent winker.