Sharpie Free

Journal Entry from 1/7/2010

"Today as I put our first load of groceries away in my mostly empty but very clean fridge I had the most glorious thought. It was simple and maybe even silly but it suddenly made the intimidation of married life lower it's head.

My thought: Everything in this fridge is mine. There is no need for a sharpie marker in hand to scribble initials and threats of Do Not Eat on all my items. I do not have to shove my fresh food amongst the unfamiliar, old, and even rotting food of strangers. I can sleep with the knowledge that everything in my fridge is there because I put it there.

Such a small enjoyment of marriage, but so very appreciated. If everyday feels as good as being sharpie free, I could get used to this married thing."

5 Months Later.

Jon has taken the form of a small child with his declarations of, "when I grow up I'm going to be a _______" Most any occupation can be added there due to his ever changing mind. Some days Jon is a man dressed in Khaki surrounded by wild animals fulfilling the role of Zookeeper. While other days he is a mysterious badge hiding FBI agent. He certainly has explored the avenues and alleyways of Careers but has settled on the street of Business Law. He is going to attend the Marriott Business School in Accounting and then move on to Law School. His latest goal involves a certain sign on a certain little brown building that will read "Edwards and Earl Inc."

While Jon is exploring our future I'm providing for our present. My life kind of looks like this

1 Full Time Job + 1 Part Time Job= 52 Hours a week.

I've always hated math.

Althought I will say it sure is nice to have my life be in addition rather than subtraction. Our first two months of marriage consisted of no job offers, no income, and a lot of minus signs. Sometimes I suppose Math can be good.

Our newest adventure consists of old blue carpet, lace doily curtains, and an old woman smell. Sounds pretty undesirable right? However we are thrilled by this combination because it comes in the form of a new condo for us!

Jon and I decided to take advantage of the $8,000 tax credit, my cousin Justin's new realty license, and our 6 years worth of future in Provo and bought a condo. It was extremely spontaneous and not like either of us to be so decisive and forward. But it really felt right for us and my amazing father supported us. We were able to get a great deal and ended up with a mortgage payment that was less than our current rent.

We are currently working on getting some paint on the bare walls, and pulling up the smell embedded carpet. My life has been one big episode of Trading Spaces lately. We will move into the newly polished place next week.
(Stay Tuned for the Before and After Pictures.)

So that's what you've missed on Jon and Kel....

Many days sharpie free and wonderful.

5 Months Later I'm certainly getting used to this married thing.

Musings with Pointe Shoes

I work at an Insurance Agency as an Office Assistant. I sit behind a desk for eight hours a day with two gruff manly men who discuss sports and politics. I rarely contribute leaving most of my day's words spent on inward dialogue. Hence the need for a blog. I need a self indulgent outlet. The office runs on testosterone so imagine my surprise on my first day entering the storage room (which contains the bathrooms) to find an entire room filled with Ballet shoes (we share a storage room with the dance shop next door.)

My heart did not stop, nor skip a beat. Instead it immediately switched it's beat to the rythm of classical music as it once kept cadence with. My past was staring me in the face as I manuevered my way to the bathroom. I heard a range of calls. Some were sweet and said "we miss you." While others were much more stinging, "hey quitter long time no see." I tried to drown out the cries but found myself doused in nostaliga and regret. I have many excuses for quitting Ballet that I try to fire back at the attacking regret. But I never really seem to win. Sure my hips were much larger and much more "child bearing" than most ballerinas. And yes I never could quite commit my stomach to a lack of food espcially the good junky stuff. My chest was never flat and my Earl flinstone feet were never arched enough. Even with these quite legitimate excuses I'm still filled with the overwhelming wish that I didn't quit. On my way to the bathroom I have these daily conversations with the shoes, apologizing and feeling the weight of a "has been."

As I was going through old pictures and possessions last night, I found the best excuse for ammo. It came in a photo and a memory.

My Junior year of High School I was given the role of Sleeping Beauty in Sleeping Beauty. With that role came the duty of finding my own "Prince" to be my partner and waking kiss. Jon Edwards, just a boy that I was dating and slowly convincing I was wonderful, stepped in at the last moment. The ballet was nothing phenomenal. Our new dance teacher was dancing with crazy more than dancing with us. Our costumes and set were amateur and our male dancers were really high school boys wondering just what they agreed to. Was I the most dazzling lead ballerina? Probably not. But that is not the point. The point is that I danced, I loved, and I felt. And I have a photo that brings a far better feeling than platform toed satin shoes ever will.

So today as I passed by the attacking shoes I touched my favorite pair of Capezio Pointe shoes and explained that I had my moment and could walk away knowing that Ballet could never offer me anything sweeter.