Thursday, September 9, 2010

Just for Today.

Everyone is clicking their pencils and lugging books and I'm sitting behind a desk. Hands are raising and knowledge is transferring but the phone is ringing. It used to feel nice to have a response to that ever looming question, "What are you doing these days?" It was far better than my 2 month lasting answer of " looking for a job." But now I hear the words "office assistant" drop from my mouth and I lunge out of my body to hide and cover my ears as the words hit the floor. I'm an assistant. I spend my day fulfilling assingnments, favors, and duties for everyone else. Anyone else. My highheeled feet are poised on the floor appearing sturdy as I work. But if you looked at them closely, I'm digging my heel into the carpet and just hoping to make it big enough to fall into.
Today I want to be behind a different kind of desk obeying the orders that only come from Academia. I want to feel brilliant and shiny. I want to stretch. I want to turn pages. I want to breath ink.
I love my life. I know that I'm blessed to have a job. I know that I'm blessed to have a determined and successful husband. I know that I'm blessed to put him through school. I love my life.
But just for today, just for a moment...
I'm digging my heel into the carpet.

I just really want to finish school.


  1. School misses you too Kel.

    Reading this is helping me remember that I don't hate sitting in a classroom. It's helping me remember that as I'm typing this from the library that this is a good time in my life. And it's a good time in yours too. Enjoy it. But you keep missing school.

  2. I had one sememster left of school when I married Kyle, but we filled out our grant papers wrong and I had to go to work so Kyle could go to school. I had to finish getting my last few credits online. Man, it hurt my heart. That first day, driving to work as I saw everyone else walking up to campus, I wanted to cry! I hadn't realized that last semester on campus that it was actually going to be my last sememster on campus. It was hard. You can keep missing school. I still do (sometimes). :)

  3. I can make up a school for you. I can come over and boss you around and give you assignments. You can call me Miss Nelson. It could be fun. And just for the record, I think it's cool that you work in an office--check machine and all. For reals.

  4. Thanks for the understanding guys! It helps to know that it's ok to miss school and want to be back.
    Michelle-laughed so hard at your comment. Please do.

  5. Kelsey, I STILL miss school some days. For years and years I used to look forward to the college catalogue (much like looking forward to the JCPenny catologue)coming in the mail and marked the classes I would take if I could.

    I miss seeing you around.