Everyone is clicking their pencils and lugging books and I'm sitting behind a desk. Hands are raising and knowledge is transferring but the phone is ringing. It used to feel nice to have a response to that ever looming question, "What are you doing these days?" It was far better than my 2 month lasting answer of " looking for a job." But now I hear the words "office assistant" drop from my mouth and I lunge out of my body to hide and cover my ears as the words hit the floor. I'm an assistant. I spend my day fulfilling assingnments, favors, and duties for everyone else. Anyone else. My highheeled feet are poised on the floor appearing sturdy as I work. But if you looked at them closely, I'm digging my heel into the carpet and just hoping to make it big enough to fall into.
Today I want to be behind a different kind of desk obeying the orders that only come from Academia. I want to feel brilliant and shiny. I want to stretch. I want to turn pages. I want to breath ink.
I love my life. I know that I'm blessed to have a job. I know that I'm blessed to have a determined and successful husband. I know that I'm blessed to put him through school. I love my life.
But just for today, just for a moment...
I'm digging my heel into the carpet.
I just really want to finish school.